11
Aug
09

In My Opinion: Mysteries Inc.

So, for those of you don’t know, the CN (Cartoon Network has lost the right to use its own name, in my eyes) is going to do a live action (gee whiz, who didn’t see that one coming?) origin story for Scooby Doo and the gang. In fact, the whole hullabaloo about all of this is that they are positioning that this is, basically, the first time this story has ever been told. That none of us ever knew how the Gang got together.

Now wait just a minute.

Seems to me that the CN likes to slap its viewers in the face and call them retarded. Did it not ever occur to them that they, themselves have shown the other “origin” stories of Scooby Doo?

And don’t you pull a “But Kyoji, they’re doing it for the new fans!” Bullshit. I know for a fact that “A Pup Named Scooby Doo” and “What’s New Scooby Doo” have come extensively on the CN within the past years. Since “What’s New” is the last actual Scooby Doo series (Shaggy and Scooby Get a Clue does not count. Why? Super Powered, Nanomachine enhanced Scooby Snacks) there is nothing to expound upon. Even the deluge of Scooby Doo Movies seems to happen during the abnormally large summer vacation that the Gang seemed to be having in “What’s New”.

What’s That? It’s an explanation for the old fans? Wrong again.
They already did that special in the early 90s.

The only way this can be an origin story to any of the Scooby mythos is if they say that its the prequel to the live action movie franchise. In that case, it’s all gravy, because us Scooby fans tend to just turn a blind eye to the movies.

Now, in my opinion, this is how Mysteries Inc. got started:

Freddy is a jock who secretly loves mysteries at Coolsville High School who is currently banging Daphne and has a weed connection through Shaggy. Now, Freddy ends up in a class with Velma and finds out that she too loves Mysteries. Now, one night Freddy, Daphne, Velma and Shaggy get together. Velma is startled by Shaggy’s huge Great Dane, Scooby, who has a calm mellow bark. After a few persuasive actions, everybody tokes up, including Scooby. The Gang makes the realization that Scooby can talk and they decide to drive around in Shaggy’s parent’s old van, to get the weed smell out of their clothes. They then run into a ghost or some shit and they start investigating mysteries.

The rest, of course, is history.

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