Archive for August, 2009

18
Aug
09

The Hero of Art and Time

The Design Inspiration has this gallery of awsome artwork reimagining Link and the rest of The Legend of Zelda world. I must say, each piece is really good. There are several that would make great desktop wallpapers, posters, or prints.

My favorite is this:

If Nintendo were to ok a Zelda movie, this must be the onesheet.

If Nintendo were to ok a Zelda movie, this must be the onesheet.

Check out the link and pick out your favorites. Shout out to Kotaku for the links and such.

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17
Aug
09

Fear and Lothing in Townsville

We are in the middle of dark times, people.
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but there are hardly any cartoons running at the moment that are getting new episodes.

If I really had to think about it, I’d say that the only shows that i know are getting new episodes anytime soon would be Family Guy, Futurama, The Cleveland Show, Ed, Edd, n’ Eddy, Fairly Oddparents, the shows on Adult Swim, and the shows on Nick Jr.

Now, some of you might say that I’m overreacting; that it’s just the end of the summer and new shows are on their way. Really? I’m not too sure. The commercial animation of American media can’t be held on the backs of Fox and maybe Nickleodeon. Hell, Fox is too dumb to really notice that they wouldn’t make money off of a Futurama that doesn’t have the original voice cast.

In fact, I’m not even going to twiddle my thumbs and say “Well, golly gee whiz, I sure hope that Cartoon Network does okay with these live action shows to help bolster their ratings.”

FUCK

THAT

SHIT

If a network can not get ratings based upon it’s primary mission statement (in this case, a network that is, supposedly “the best place for cartoons”) then it must either go off the air or do a name change. This may seem harsh, but that just how it goes.

I know that you’re really thinking that I’m overreacting now. “You’re just mad because they’re showing live action shows on Cartoon Network.” YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT I AM! This isn’t like Disney or Nick where they got rid of most of their cartoons and replaced them with tweeny junk, because they where still a network that has programming made my Walt Disney/Buena Vista Studios and a network for kids, respectively. This isn’t even like Discovery and TLC, which while they dropped some of their scientific programming, they are still channels about discovering things and learning things, respectively. This is isn’t even like (dare I even say it) VH1 and MTV, because at least they still have sister networks that are readily available to the public that carry the brand name (Boomerang isn’t that accessible sometimes, where as, MTV 2 is on basic cable in some places).

With maybe only 1 new Cartoon in the future (Adventure Time), thing look bleak for Cartoon Network Studios. With it’s passing, the legacy of Hanna Barbara will come to a close.

Take it or leave it, fans. Cartoon Network is dead. Long live Turner’s first kids network. My God have mercy on Rob Sorcher’s soul.

11
Aug
09

In My Opinion: Mysteries Inc.

So, for those of you don’t know, the CN (Cartoon Network has lost the right to use its own name, in my eyes) is going to do a live action (gee whiz, who didn’t see that one coming?) origin story for Scooby Doo and the gang. In fact, the whole hullabaloo about all of this is that they are positioning that this is, basically, the first time this story has ever been told. That none of us ever knew how the Gang got together.

Now wait just a minute.

Seems to me that the CN likes to slap its viewers in the face and call them retarded. Did it not ever occur to them that they, themselves have shown the other “origin” stories of Scooby Doo?

And don’t you pull a “But Kyoji, they’re doing it for the new fans!” Bullshit. I know for a fact that “A Pup Named Scooby Doo” and “What’s New Scooby Doo” have come extensively on the CN within the past years. Since “What’s New” is the last actual Scooby Doo series (Shaggy and Scooby Get a Clue does not count. Why? Super Powered, Nanomachine enhanced Scooby Snacks) there is nothing to expound upon. Even the deluge of Scooby Doo Movies seems to happen during the abnormally large summer vacation that the Gang seemed to be having in “What’s New”.

What’s That? It’s an explanation for the old fans? Wrong again.
They already did that special in the early 90s.

The only way this can be an origin story to any of the Scooby mythos is if they say that its the prequel to the live action movie franchise. In that case, it’s all gravy, because us Scooby fans tend to just turn a blind eye to the movies.

Now, in my opinion, this is how Mysteries Inc. got started:

Freddy is a jock who secretly loves mysteries at Coolsville High School who is currently banging Daphne and has a weed connection through Shaggy. Now, Freddy ends up in a class with Velma and finds out that she too loves Mysteries. Now, one night Freddy, Daphne, Velma and Shaggy get together. Velma is startled by Shaggy’s huge Great Dane, Scooby, who has a calm mellow bark. After a few persuasive actions, everybody tokes up, including Scooby. The Gang makes the realization that Scooby can talk and they decide to drive around in Shaggy’s parent’s old van, to get the weed smell out of their clothes. They then run into a ghost or some shit and they start investigating mysteries.

The rest, of course, is history.

10
Aug
09

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra – Movie Reveiw

Let’s get this straight up front: Marlon Wayans is NOT a pain in the ass in this movie. And the movie is actually good.

What?!

Did I just say that this movie, the one that obviously screwed up every iconic image Hasbro’s Joe line has, was good? Why yes, yes I did. Cobra Commander’s mask sucks just as hard on the big screen as it does on the figures and their box art, Destro never actually wears that damned mask he seems to cherish so much in those trailers, Cover Girl is limited to a cameo appearance (one she sadly could have done without if you ask me), the Baroness is not as badass as she really could be (for plot reasons), and those Vipers are too hard to kill ( and the only reason they exist is for the Joe’s to kill while looking awesome in the process); yet, somehow, Stephen Sommers managed to do what Micheal Bay did in 2007 with Transformers: he made the Joes viable silver-screen stars.

Those of you familiar with my review style know I use a basic 5-point system. For the sake of doing this movie justice, I’ll get right to the point: Score -1.5 for overuse of generally good FXs that stood out because they were used so much, for action shots involving Ray Park’s Snake Eyes being too tight, too short, or too dark for Ray’s talent to really shine on screen, for Marlon Wayans still coming across as awkward despite playing a decent Ripcord, and for a fairly weak ending that, after about 1 hr. 45 min. of no Cobra Commander at all, finally sees some hope for a promising sequel that will probably have an equally stupid subtitle.

Just a 1.5 points? Just 1.5 for no Cobra Commander? Well, I can’t punish the movie because the toys suck (and they do, let no one tell you otherwise). Seriously, this movie does way more right than wrong, and CC’s absence is only in name and mask as, in true Cobra fashion, he is more than just pulling strings behind the scenes the whole time. So, here I give cudoes for relagating CC to a support role and letting Destro and the Baroness do their thing – just as poorly as they always did in the 80’s XD. And that isn’t the only nod to the spirit of G.I. Joe in the film:

* “Knowing is half the battle” and “Yo, Joe” are gloriously used by our heroes

* Duke wears a scar under his right eye, just as the original 12″ doll had a copyright marker scar under his right eye

* Generally speaking, the characters are themselves: example – Breaker still loves gum

*Snake Eyes is the baddest mofo in the whole movie. Period.

Obviously, there have been changes; not the least of those changes being the international nature of the team. The reasoning for that is about the only thing in the film actually explained. Really, stuff just happens. No reason why a dead guy can’t have electrodes shoved in his skull so his last memories can be photographed. Why shouldn’t there be a massive, missile-launching subartic base for a terrorist cell that (according to the title now) has yet to fully come together. Why exactly can’t Duke and Ripcord jump over cars and run really fast without those bulky Accelerator Suits, but Snake Eyes can – you know, without the damn suit (yes, Snake IS that awesome)? The answers to those questions are never, ever explained here, and who cares. The ride is just that fun.

That is, if you let it.

Don’t go into this expecting Dark Knight. Hell, don’t expect Transformers. This movie does not take itself seriously at all, but it does respect itself and its audience. It’s a mindless action movie based on a line of 3 3/4″ TOYS. The good guys are good and the bad guys are bad and the good guys ultimately beat the bad guys and ride off into the sunset in skin tight leather bodysuits and fatigues with the Black-Eyed Peas playing in the background.

If you can’t have fun with that, shame on you.

Final Score: 3.5