My Heart Summons Up the Power of the RAGE GAUGE: Part 1

To those who don’t know what a rage gauge is, it’s one’s inner measure of anger towards something. We all have it. You may not be aware of it, but you have one. A proper Rage Gauge can be ranked from 0 to 10. 0 ranking being something that doesn’t conjure up the slightest bit of anger and 10 ranking being something that angers you so much, that your primal brain takes over and you MUST eliminate the source of irritation, NO MATTER WHAT. That being said, what I’m about to talk about brought me up to about a 6/10 on the scale.

Some of you may or may not know this, but I’m a Christian. By no means am I a crazed Fundamentalist who’s hellbent on converting everyone and damning those who don’t to burn in the fires of hell. That’s not how I was raised, and that’s certainly not what my beliefs are now. Be an example. Follow the light for your own sake and by example, people will do the same. Unfortunately, not everyone gets the same common sense upbringing; hence Mr. Kyle “Da G-Man” Goldman’s little video game review site.


On this site, he reviews two types of games: christian games and everything else. At first, this doesn’t seem too bad. But then, you get to the list of regular games. He refers to them as “Secular & Un-Christian Games”. Upon his list are a few games that have come out recently or are fairly well known. One thing that angered me was the fact that for all games that are rated M, he doesn’t play them, and relies on the reviews of other people. Last time I checked, you have to PLAY a game to REVIEW it.

First on the list is Doom, the classic well known FPS that revived the genre for PC gamers. I did respect that he did his homework and knew that you play as a Marine who’s killing demons to keep them from taking over Earth. However, Mr. Goldman says that the creator of the game is an atheist, so basically it makes the entire point moot. Apparently, unless you’re Christian, you can’t make a game that has demon slaying being a main point, as you don’t know the meaning of it’s good purposes.

Next is TETRIS. You know? TETRIS?! THE GAME WITH BLOCKS THAT EVERYONE BORN DURING THE AGE OF GAMING HAS AT LEAST SEEN BEING PLAYED IF THEY HAVEN’T THEMSELVES?! Well, because you can’t beat it, it’s a part of the Communist plot to dismantle the people’s belief in God by being fatalistic. Also, he claims that: “the word “tetris” comes from the game pieces all being made of four blocks. In reality, the game was named in mockery of the Trinity by adding a forth hypostasis, the Communist State, to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.” In ACTUAL REAL LIVE FACT the name comes from the combination of the words ‘tennis’, a favorite game of its creator, Alexey Leonidovich Pajitnov and ‘tetromino’ the mathematical name of the shapes used. Mr. Goldman also believes that it’s the Soviet version of the POLYBIUS project that the US Government had in the 70’s. Polybius is an urban legend, BTW.

Before I tear my keyboard apart, I’ll leave you with the funniest one on the list. His review of Metal Gear Solid 4 (which I’ll interspace with my own comments):

“6.12.2008: (Note: I have not played this game since it is rated “M” and isn’t allowed on the Fellowship U campus, so I am basing this mini-review on Secular media reports.) In Metal Gear Solid 4, you play the role of Snake, a soldier who uses stealth to sneak around a battlefield on a mission to steal guns from the Patriots (and to choke people from behind) [So far, yes]. As his name implies, Snake is actually a symbolic agent of Satan[No. That’s his code name because he’s based on Snake Plissken from the movie Escape From New York.], sent into the world to finish what he started in the Garden. Evidence of this symbolism can be seen by Snake’s use of an Apple iPod [I’d like to point out that the Tree of Knowledge is still in the Garden of Eden. IT WASN”T AN APPLE TREE] throughout the game (Apple is a notorious promoter of Darwinism and counter-culture [Never heard of this before, thought I find it odd to think that a company that’s main income is computers would give a crap about Darwinism. Also, Apple users tend to be a bit elitist.]). Also, Meryl, who guides Snake via a disembodied voice [That would be a radio link, good sir], uses an Apple Macintosh computer (I think Meryl is supposed to represent Satan himself [Yes, fighting to keep the world from being taken over by corporations that OWN the military is SO, Satanic] but all the symbolism is very confusing since it was written by a Japanese guy […Racism?] ). This game promotes drug use (Snake is addicted to cigarettes and the HDD installation process features an 8-minute video of Snake teaching players how to smoke [I think he means the ‘How to Play the Game’ cut-scene. Snake uses cigarettes to distract people. Smoking during a crossfire gets you shot] ), eugenics through human cloning (Snake was the product of a project to clone “super soldiers”) [except its the DANGERS if human cloning], disrespect of Authority (Snake’s main enemy in the game are the Patriots, who represent the Christian founders of our nation […No. The Patriots are the secret Illuminati style group that control the US Government and wish to control the world by means of control of the world’s military]), and Materialistic Determinacy with an absence of Free Will (every game in the MGS series is a remake of the first [No.], only with a different Snake clone [Solid Snake and Old Snake are the same guy, and he IS a clone, but Naked Snake aka Big Boss is the dude Snke is cloned from. MGS3 happens in the 60s.], the theory being that by putting the clones through the same missions, they will develop into the same person [true, as that was the plot of MGS2, but it was a BAD IDEA]). MGS4 was designed to train those who will be left behind after the Rapture to serve in the Antichrist’s military forces [WHAT? They game is about freeing the world from military totalitarianism]. As such, it has no value for the Christian gamer, who is among the Elect and won’t have to deal with that but it may help the unsaved to know the tactics they will be up against in a post-Rapture world should they choose to join the fight against the Antichrist and secure themselves a place among the Sheep when Christ returns [What]. Therefore, I am giving it ONE CROSS for this slight benefit. †”

Yo can read the rest for yourself. If there is one thing I can not stand is COMPLETE STUBBORN IGNORANCE. If it weren’t for the fact that he gets alot of the facts WRONG and that most of it reads like a paranoid conspiracy theory, I could just say, “oh. Well, to each his own.” but I just can’t with him. We Christians have to love our neighbors, regardless of faults, but it’s a bit hard on the rest of us when some Christians play judge on minor things like VIDEO GAMES.


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